My Poem - 'I dies many times'

I dies many times

My heart aches with illusion,

self confused by mirages

constructed in the moonlight.

My head spins on it's Axis

searching for a greener way,

playing with ideas that

reek sweetly of destruction.

A flower inspires sickness

in me. Shameless butterflies

dance deep down within the gut.

Wafting up fears of the same

stuff I yearn to be close to.

Looking mirror, spinning my 

intention. Heavenly nymph

skipping on the astral plane

come sing, sing your song again.

Ruin my life I care not,

for your natural melody 

haunts me wherever I go.

To embrace you I have to

die a death, hence all my fear.

Though to live, do we not have

to die a death of sorts first?

I entered this world in blood,

screaming an invocation

to the apex of my soul.

Pan played his pipes live aside

my Mothers form as she pushed

out my flesh, the great temple.

I care greatly for love, but

lust is where it all began.

We are created in 'sin'.

Pagan heaven is Christian hell.

Yes, for there is where I strive.

So fuck it, let me die.

Then I will know I'm alive.

My poem - 'Stars to be forgotten'

STARS TO BE FORGOTTEN

Some are drunk upon their own image,
believe their own hype and do not see
what they really are. There's a limit
to egotiscal illusions.

Facades are destined to be lonely
because they lie, they steal and they cheat.
They're pumped up characters, they're phony,
sucking on the sycophants they meet. 

They run out of artistic vision
as they forget who they really are.
Unaware of the pending schism
in the good church that brought them this far.

Life is nothing without reflection,
which fuels the central furnace called Heart.
The shallow path leads to infection
and keeps hidden the meaning of Star.

Hecate an Me (Part 2)

Dear Reader,

To continue. . .

A few days after giving the speech in Part 1 of this post I had a visit.

The usual protocol which surrounds these things ensued, at around 2 - 3 in the morning my body became stiff as a board and I could not move apart from the involuntary jolting jitters which were flinging my corpse about. It had been a while since anything like this had happened with this intensity so I felt rather happy and curious about what would occur. As I tried my best to clear the mind to enjoy the ride I felt a scrape down my left toe.

A scrape as in a fingernail scratching at my skin.

Que X-files music.

This was different to when Lilith came to fuck my guts out (please see 'The Night I Met Lilith' post in June), this was something requesting entry rather than forcing it, so I said internally 'Yes, please pass through, you are welcome'.

Then in an instant I percieved multi-colour flashes of light all around, like streaks of rainbow painting the room, these stopped and I saw a Witch at the end of the bed. A Witch pulled straight out of a fairytale, however instead of the modern bitter old croan I saw one with a beaming great smile. One who looked kind and full of life.

One to be respected.

'Heeeeeeeeeeeeeal?'

I heard her say in a voice to warm the heart with joy.

I said 'yes, please.'

She then flew around the room sprinkling what I shall unashamedly call rainbow sparkle dust over my partner and me. I recieved rush after rush of ecstasy through my mind, body and soul. This was not an erotic power, but one of pure love with no A-Grade MDMA needed at all.

I was very happy indeed.

She then proceeded to tell me how proud she was of me, in particular with the message I portrayed in my speech. What mattered was I got up and did it, I told MY truth on the matter and that is wholly important.

This is a philosphy that is applicable to all aspects of our lives and is something we should all endeavour to do, no matter in what realm we are talking of or what fears there may be before we vocalise our truth.

We then continued to natter in the ether about various things in my life including my dogs, she really loves my dogs.

This is a very lovely tale indeed.

Peace be upon you dear Reader,

Rednaxela

Hecate and Me (Part 1)

Dear Reader,

I gave the following speech as part of my course I am fighting to stay on, we were tasked with researching Greek Gods and Goddesses. I chose the wonderful and much misrepresented Hecate. Keep your eyes peeled for part two, where I reveal what the lady herself had to say when she visited me late one night. Oh I do love being clinically insane. . .

'Hecate is an ancient Goddess from an earlier pre-Greek stratum of myth. The Greeks came so see her as a daughter of the Titans Perses and Asteria, making her cousin to Artemis. She was one of the main Gods worshipped in Athenian households as a protective Goddess and one who bestowed all the blessings of everyday life. A Goddess of Magick and of Witchcraft.

She was viewed as part of the Olympian company, however she was unique in that fact she had dominion over the Sky, Earth and the Underworld. Zeus honoured her above all. She ruled over the point where three paths met. These places were treated as sacred, the crossroads were hers.  Perhaps she was there on the junction when Oedipus murdered his own Father fulfilling the prophecy. It could be that Sophocles knew her, as within our Human Sphere she presides over the three great mysteries of birth, life, and death. 

The Patriarchal society which developed in the later classical period gave rise to a dualistic view of spiritual forces warring against each other in the human soul, turning Hecate into a prime target for demonisation. Reflecting right the way down  into the medieval period with it’s organised Church of men hunting Witches. To this place right now, where you’ll be looking for a long time to find a positive depiction of the wise woman archetype in our own popular culture. The kind old Hag. Where is she?

The current image of the wicked old witch is merely a document of an unconscious fear of the feminine that men have suppressed into  a completely one sided patriarchy.

The ancient Greeks knew her power. She is connected with, but totally independent from the masculine principal. Guardian of the unconscious, our dark side, and a personification of the need to explore the three fold nature of us which manifests as mind, body and soul.   

Hecate was often viewed as a triple moon goddess, the moon is dark planet being that it has no light of its own. The light that comes from the Moon is reflected sunlight so it is interesting that Artemis is the brother of Apollo, meaning that Artemis is a direct link to the solar forces for our beloved Hecate. Don’t be scared of the dark boys, Mummy knows best.'

Peace be upon you dear Reader,

Rednaxela

My painting 'Eat Her Alive'

Dear Reader,

Painting teaches you a lot about yourself.

Don't worry about results.

Just do it.

Poundland acrylics on plyboard I found by some bins.

Oh how I love the bins.

Peace be upon you dear reader,

Rednaxela.

Monkey rapes a Dog

Dear Reader,

Today my friend, Neb the Great, told me a story of when he witnessed a Monkey rape a Dog in India someplace. Apparently the Monkey and Dog were playing rough, until the Monkey did a somersault type manoeuvre over the Dog and began to lance it from behind eagerly. It is said that the dog didn't seem mind too much, it just waited until the Monkey was pumped out. He also told of Monkey gang fights where, for instance, one lone Monkey would pounce into another groups territory who would then proceed to royally beat the shit out of the unfortunate wanderer.

Extremely brutal, but interesting, and possibly funny depending on your tastes.

It got me thinking about Human behaviour.

Firstly I think that if you do not believe in Magick/Sorcery , well, basically never mind for you because it is used every day to control the herd. Yes, the herd in which you and I exist. I am talking of cultural engineering. We are viewed as a herd by the group of people who own the mainstream media and also by their friends who run all the shit that pisses you off. They all hang about together drinking lovely drinks, having loads of sex, making deals, laughing and generally having a good time. There is a structure to it and everything. It all happens without us knowing sweet fuck all, this is why it is called a secret society. Haha, funny init mate? A relatively small group essentially feed off us, the consumer, like animals. They got us too concerned with each other you see, instead of focusing on ourselves.

An illusion is cast and we are made to think that we are at the peak of human advancement. We are all involved it's well great. Technology makes information instant and we swipe away with glee for a while. We become, or stay, like children eternally seeking a new toy. Sitting as brainfucked bong-mongs or twitchy insecure-o-bots who have their eyes glued to the screen I type this stuff on. Shoving our faces with chocolate, crisps and cake because we feel sad or bored. Feeling happy or shouting at people because they support another football team. Wanking alone in iPad illuminated front rooms. Fidgeting about because we are anxious as to what others are thinking of us. Punching walls and ourselves because the council have sent another letter. Nothing necessarily wrong with any of these, but if it is all we live for then are we not;

Just like morons?

Just like animals? 

Just like monkeys fucking dogs?

I have heard of gangsters who fuck men in their bum as punishment, as an illustration of their power. Men have got as aggy as they can surely get and women have become wanna-be-geezers or just plain cheap. 

In the herd that is. 

Most of us are nice of course. Most of us are searching for answers in one way or another, we just might not have realised it yet.

The cattle are kept scared of everything.

Especially themselves.

But really we are not cattle.

LOL

I'm a mother fucking Lion.

What are you?

Peace be upon you dear Reader,

Rednaxela.

'Friends' Poem

Friends

I hope the friends understand when I am not there,

I hope they know I care.

I hope they see I'm chasing dreams and charming snakes,

I hope they still love me. 

As I do them.

Sometimes loneliness is the only option for those who make something from nothing.  

All for purpose.

All for aim.

We true people are bound to fail each other.

Senseless duty is mighty hard to shake.

But isn't loyalty proven in battle?

When one runs or fights for his mate?

When fear claws at your heart,

but you stay.

For them.

 So know, if you are my true friend,

then me and my Demons are with you.

Even if I'm locked away in a dark room

scribbling subconscious thoughts and crafting desires,

I'm in it till the end old chum.

Believe! 

I want you to succeed.

The Day I met Odin

Dear Reader,

On the 13th of November 2013 I had a life changing experience which I would like to share with you, this was one of the first outward manifestations from my inner world. First there will be an extract from my morning Tarot reading, then a line from my dream I had the night before and finally the experience itself taken directly from my journal written that day;

'Card for the day - The Tower.

 High energy today boy! Destructive possibility. If you are able to love nature today, you may clear all of your unwanted clogging. The old words that cloud your being. Return to the original source that resides both inside and out. Let power surge through you, THROUGH! No place for big headedness here, no! You are the meeting point, the cosmic axis of the universe (as we all are). You have not ejaculated for a while now, the 8th day to be exact. Love your life and the world around you, for it is your altar!'

'Dream - Zombies everywhere!! Lots of running through the woods hiding etc Very violent!'

'Well what a day this has been. The reading this morning couldn't have been more relevant.The day ended with me walking up Race Hill as the Sun set with JTD (Jess the Dog). I viewed the burning orange sky slowly fade as I pondered this place, the World, being the altar upon which I act. My body the temple where my emotional powers reside. It was as if a reversed viewpoint occurred to which I am used to. The Moon to my back, the Sun setting in front it was honestly beautiful.

I love being amongst nature, it must be respected. As I was about to find out. With the Sun going down I walked JTD back through a wooded area to a point where the trees in front arched over the path. I remember seeing a public footpath signpost and now I place myself back there, I know in fact I was at a crossroads. The beautiful symbolism! (My research into crossroads, the point where spirit and matter meet, most likely meant this acted as a subconscious trigger)

So at this most atmospheric of moments I found my mouth forming the words;

"Odin Father"

How dark it became.

JTD bolted off growling up a bank to the left. I felt confused as she had been lovely and well mannered all day. I saw a figure to my left which quickly vanished. JTD was growling ferociously hidden away somewhere, I called her as I tried to ignore the ice cold knitting needles in my spine. I stumbled up the bank to try and see what was happening, shadow figures flashing all around me. Suddenly I was convinced I was about to find a rotting corpse and pulled back. She was still growling so I pushed forward up the bank and crouched under the canopy of the low spaghetti branched tree she was beneath. I shone my torch to her face and she met me with wild eyes that looked straight through me, foam dripping from her mouth as she bared her teeth. I know now she growled at me. The energy was emanating from me. Unaware of this I tried to calm her down ignoring the whispers and figures which still danced. The atmosphere was truly alive and my senses were completely confused, I am not scared to write that I truly felt fear.
Something clattered in the branches above my head and JTD was off again. I looked up to see a black human like form crouched in the tree looking down on me. It then flew off in the form of a bird, unlike any other bird I've seen but crow like if I had to say. I shone my torch back down, pushing myself to see the body which did not exist.

I retreated back to the centre of the crossroads, I could not see JTD anywhere and it was dead quiet. I breathed as the tree in front leered over me. Energy rushed through my veins and I found myself throwing my arms up into a Y shape, invoking the ELHAZ rune which is of the same form. I shouted out;

"A trick!"

My thoughts came out of the choppy mess they had been in. I stood at the crossroads and thought of what I had read of Odin's nature, a trickster who met lonely travellers on woodland paths. It seemed I was living through one such trick, a theatre of extreme illusion. I felt so excited, buzzing fear mixed with insane pleasure.

I called JTD back as I continued to see dark shapes move around me. This time, thankfully, she came and I put the lead on her. Though I felt a touch more comfortable, I still did not have a clue as to what was going on. I was in another world and it was scary, but I felt so privileged. I let out a great cackle as to what was going on, like one you may hear in an asylum. Walking on I looked to my left to see the Moon shining through the trees, the figure of Odin constantly in my minds eye. I said clearly;

"I will listen to all you have to teach wise man!"

Then his figure appeared before me in the trees below the moon, his head momentarily formed by a fast paced dark cloud. I knew this was as real as anything we ever experience. I am honoured to have felt what I did and desire more. I have 100% belief  in the otherworld, I wish to explore it and bring its magic into this. This, I feel, is my purpose. Nobody need cry for me the day I take my final bow out of this reality for I am excited by the prospect. Through this experience I have a new found respect for my life on the deepest of levels, I have been given the precious chance to know (as we all have) and I am going to bloody well run with it!

Thank you wise trickster, you have taught me much this evening I honour you! Perhaps one day I will meet both your birds!

ODIN!'

I would like to add from the present day that I would, on my departure from this world, like the whole of the globe to cry in unison. Please.

Peace be upon you dear reader,

Rednaxela

Good and Evil

Dear Reader,

After a weekend of carnival antics I was posed with the problem of expressing my views on 'good' and 'evil'. I blurted out various aspects of my point of view on the topic, but feel I need to write down the essence of what I feel about it. For my own clarity of mind if nothing else.

Right, here I go.

Firstly I have to state that I have a total belief in the continuation of ones soul after the moment of 'death'. Death to me is to be looked at like a doorway rather than a full stop, where we end up going after stepping through depends on the knowledge and intention we have gathered on our journey through the physical world. I follow the law of 'Do what thou wilt', essentially meaning that everybody can do as they please as long as they do not interfere with anybody else's free will.

'Love is the law, love under will'

This is relevant because it has a massive impact on the way I view everything, including what is good and what is evil. I shall concentrate on the latter as that is what people seem to have a problem with.

The human condition is one of duality. Everything we do always boils down to whether we should or whether we shouldn't. From the smallest decisions, 'Do I fancy Tea or Coffee?', to the biggest, 'Should I kill my Fathers murderer or not?'. However we can only ever go one way, if we adopt the suffocating attitude of 'I dunno' we never get anywhere at all. People make choices, it's how we walk ourselves through the chaos to come. Sometimes people make choices that make other people feel sick, because they like to think they could never do something like that. A reactionary judgement is cast upon another soul because of their chosen action. They are condemned because their decision does not fit in with the current status quo, though is it not more important to try and understand why they made that choice? However disgustingly horrible it may at first seem? And much more importantly should the person feeling so emotionally repulsed by another's deed not ask themselves, why do I feel this way? Why does that make me so uncomfortable? Perhaps they do not ask because they are scared they might see aspects of themselves in the condemned. We make judgements based on the information we are fed, often knowing nothing of the truth on the matter, but rather just one viewpoint.

I watched a vice documentary on a place in the northern coast of Columbia where young boys fuck Donkeys. Good or Evil? At first I was repulsed, however then I put myself in their position growing up in a place where that is perceived to be the norm and came to conclusion that if I were raised there from birth, I would fuck a Donkey. One hundred percent. 

Nature knows not good nor evil, the point being they are concepts which only exist in the human mind. We invented them, this is our duality. The aim for us is to unite our opposites finding balance, so attempting to understand that which we think is evil is crucial. Try it, contemplate the thing you fear the most without judgement,  you may be surprised at the conclusion you come to. Remember, there is a difference between understanding and condoning.  

I cannot say that I do not cast judgements because I do, all the time. I project my own insecurities onto others and react accordingly. These are my problems which I work on and it is all part of the great undoing, if you don't change then you are dead already.

In this age of emotional repression and nervous insecurity there will always be people who 'pop' and commit vile acts, imposing their corrupted will upon others, turning fantasy to reality. However instead of getting angry and crying out for the return of the death penalty, maybe a study of the sad fool's life may reveal how we can spot signs and help those who are heading in a similar direction. Providing hope or release before it is too late.

Prevention is better than cure.

Peace be upon you dear reader,

Rednaxela

The night I first met Lilith

Dear Reader,

Now for some juice.

Around a week or so ago I experienced the one known by some as Lilith/Lili/Lilit and it was macabre, beautifully macabre. In the Hebraic tradition she is the first partner of Adam, however she would not let Adam just lay on top of her and hump away in the male-dominant missionary position. No no no that is not Lili's style, she wanted to be on top but Adam couldn't handle it so she flew off to the Red Sea where she spawned with loads of Demons. My kind of lady. Lili's red sea is the equivalent of the Hindu Kali Ma's ocean of blood, which gave birth to everything. All sounds very menstrual doesn't it?

Throughout the day she had been popping into my mind as I have been researching the Red Goddess intensely this past month, by night fall her name was ringing out of my mouth;

Lilililililililililililililililililililililililililiiiiiiii....

This, dear reader, is a most powerful mantra and as you will see can have very strong effects. She was there at the beginning of creation and she is definitely here now, would you allow her into your bedroom? If she wanted to, you would not really have any say in the matter.

I felt a slight presence as I meditated but that was most likely my own energy, she came on her own terms when I went to bed. As I lay holding my lovely partner, my arms suddenly moved down to my sides and I became as stiff as a board. I thought to myself; 'fucking hell'. It felt like rigor mortis was setting in. My perspective seemed to move about a foot out of the left side of my head, through the temple, and where there had been the sound of rainfall outside my window there was now waves of white noise, accompanied with a sense of time slowing down. 

Then she came.

A figure appeared on top of me, a female figure in my minds eye, which was currently being projected out of my head unit, crouched atop me as if fucking me. The figure, who had lovely breasts, then shoved her talon claw hands into my stomach. The rush I felt as she pulled out my guts for me to have a look at was unlike any other. She yanked and bit at my poop tubes with my penis fully erect. I told myself internally that I cannot die, she then pushed her arm up through the inside of my body and clasped my heart, shards of powerful light beaming through her fingers. My light. With my complete submission to this red woman the sexual power became overwhelming and my mind gave way to pure ecstasy.

Fucking brilliant! 

Time came back, she was gone and I was again holding my partner. 

I have pondered the symbolism of the event and am currently at this conclusion. 

The guts is where I and others store emotions. I have been so stressed in the past I have pooed blood. This is a fact. The stomach area has been likened to a great lake, a pool of our submerged selves. She as the force of pure creativity, primal sexual energy, showed me the body's mortality and my souls journey. To advance I have to 'dig deep' into the pits of myself and undo everything, a task she illustrated will last until the day that I die. Her's is the power that will get me from Malkuth (The Earth centre, the physical world) to Tiphareth (The Heart chakra/centre, The Sun). She will burn me through the realms of illusion. She created everything thus I owe her everything. The method of un-entanglement? Sex......and Fire. 

Mine is the path of Art and she gave me the best lesson I will probably ever have on the subject.  

Peace be upon you dear reader,

Rednaxela

Thoughts on the World Wars

Dear Reader,

I am an Actor currently studying the play 'Our Town' by Wilder Thornton. It takes place at the turn of the 20th century and turned me to thinking about the world wars. 

Through contemplation I have come to see that the wars acted as a sort of multi-national culture/ego death. The poor souls who came back from the fighting were no doubt changed from what they experienced, their old selves brutally executed just like their friends in the fields, except they were still alive. This complete disorientation allowed for a new way of thinking to be developed and imprinted in the mass mind through entertainment. This is classic brainwashing.

Charles Manson is a great example of this, raised in the American Penitentiary system, but refusing to accept the way they provided, he observed the technique of destroying someones ego and then imprinting a new system of belief upon them. Later in life he utilised what he had learned from the so called 'protectors', helping his followers dismantle their selves with the illusion of setting them free and free the most probably felt. Crucially however, he painted these fresh new canvases with a new God, himself. For example the group would take acid and he would sit in front of them like a guru while they tripped around themselves gaping in awe at their new leader, most probably with a glowing halo around his head. Manson found the truth, but it's what you do with the truth that matters. He acted as a power hungry psychopath as that was who he learnt his tricks from.

The mass were taught to consume.

Confusion is the word of the time now. People are flying around all over the globe, going here, fleeing there and if they are settled they can't sit still because they have to swipe aimlessly on a screen as they go to work or to the shopping church, dreaming of how they wish their sex was, if they get any at all that is. 

20 likes will make you feel better. 

People don't have the time or the enthusiasm to realise what it is they actually want to do with their lives, which would reduce the power that a few who have realised currently receive. 

The ones who's Dad's and Granddad's made so much money of those two world wars.

Clever buggers

Peace be upon you dear reader,

Rednaxela

Cherry popped

Dear Reader,

This blog is an exploration of myself for you to witness, warts n'all. I care not what you think about what I say, these are the outpourings of my subconscious which means you could read things which excite or disgust you.

That is your choice.

If I told you I fucked my mum would you say well done or gag?

I haven't (yet), but I have naturally thought about it. Have you thought about bonking your mum dear reader? Maybe not if you are a lady, but to the males I would hazard a guess at yes. It has probably swept through your mind on occasion and you most likely felt repulsed, fair enough, but have you ever asked yourself why? Taboo's are interesting are they not? Have you women ever thought of copulating with your Dad? How would I know! I do not have a vagina, just a gigantic electrical penis.

This opening blog was supposed to be welcoming and it appears it hasn't been so far. I've made you contemplate giving your life giver a good rodding and most people probably won't enjoy that, I can be extremely opinionated and sometimes vulgar so perhaps the fluffy minded shouldn't read my writings. I have however managed, even in my darkest of times, to maintain humour. Humour is hope to me.

I have a sort of hatred for the woofy new age spiritual attitudes around which a huge industry has been built. I grew up in North London and experienced some truly unnerving situations in my younger years, a knife to the throat can be quite persuading I tell you, but nothing is more frightening than having an entity pull out your guts. Nothing is more fun either.

Follow my journey as I willingly lose my mind, find it, lose it, find what, lose what, and make love to a Goddess so great that to know her fully is to die.

Peace be upon you dear reader,

Rednaxela